Now, back to what i was saying. As i intend to fill this blog with reviews that very few people will read, i struggled for minutes on what to review first. What type of movie should i go for? Slasher? Zombie? Nazi Zombies? Chicken Zombies? The list was endless. You will be glad to know however, that my inner-turmoil did not last long as my good friend Jesus pointed me in the right direction. You see I was sat in my room a-painting, when i knocked over a pile of my DVD's with an overly energetic brush stroke, and as they do, my dvd's toppled all over the floor, bar one. Now i know what you are thinking; 'that's not Jesus, your just a clumsy fool'. Well i am hear to tell you that you are wrong, that I am special, and that Jesus cares about me so much, that he likes to help me out on mundane things such as which movie to review. It's not all bitches and hoes in heaven ya know.
Back to the point, as i know your all just dying to know which movie it was. Well my friends, that movie was none other than good old Asylum films 'Monster'. Now, before you all go running for the hills, screaming you'd rather dingoes ate your baby. I'd like to point out that it's not the movie i am about to review. Although obviously, the title did inspire me. Thank you Jesus.
You see through this perfect example of divine intervention, i realised straight away that it had to be a good old monster movie. Then the trouble started. Which monster movie should i go for. Should it be one of those very classy Sci-fi, i'm sorry Sy Fy Channel movies like Gargoyles? Which i know your all just dying to watch by the way. Or should it be a big budget studio affair like Cloverfield? Seriously, Sophie's choice has nothing on me.
In the end, i gave into the pressure of Hollywood and went where the budget was. That, and I don't have Gargoyles on dvd just yet. As for what film to review, I decided on *drum roll please* ........Godzilla.
Bit anti-clamatic, eh? Well truth be told, I have always wanted to see Godzilla. A giant lizard destroys Manhattan, how could they screw that shit up? After my decision I decided to do a little research, oookay, i simply glanced at it's IMDB page, but still, i was shocked. Man, is there a lot of hate out there for this movie, and i'm talking Uwe Boll gets nicer comments than these. Although i did love the topic 'Iguanas do NOT eat fish.' It was very refreshing to see that people were focused on the important topics, and not at all showing the world that they lead sad sad sad lives.
Anyway, after reading this post and getting a few good laughs at somebody else's expense, I decided Godzilla would indeed be my first official review, and as you know, it's what Jesus wanted.
Oh and did you notice, GODzilla.....coincidence? I think not.
No, I don't know why the toy Jesus is black.
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